Back to school for absolute beginners.

Yeap,  yeap, yeap it is that time of the year again, brace your self for the how was your holiday slash what did you do for your holiday questions.  To be honest, I'd rather talk about the weather than rumage through my brain searching for all the fun, wonderful, exciting and money draining activities I got up to during the freaking holidays. Which by the way was a lot.

To be completely honest, which I clearly wasn't in my previous paragraph, i'd rather not talk about the weather and just skip right to wishing everyone a merry christmas. Yeap, you heard me right, merry Christmas to all you kind and unkind folks out there. Don't you dare say I never do any thing nice for y'all...

Do I sound like a grumpy old goat? Well, maybe I am and maybe I am. The thing is, I find the how was your holiday questions extremely boriiiiiing.  If you want to tell me all about the wonderfull and exciting things you and your amaaaaaaaazballs family got up to during your holidays, just go right ahead and do so but puleeeeease don't make me fill out those how was your holiday questionnaires.  I don't get paid enough to do that, and even if I did I still wouldn't want  to do it...

Soooooooo, it's back to school. If you haven't got a child or you don't know what a school is, please feel free to skip this bit and go straight to section 3b where you'll be asked to fill in your name, address, age, social security number, aka, national insurance number, for you kind Britons out there and account details...juuuuuuuust kidding, there is no section 3b. However, I still need your account details if you don't mind. Whaaaaaaaat!!! I am a Nigerian, don't ducking act surprised. The whole point of this blog is to get you to eventually send me your account details or send me some money through money gram so I can pay the legal fees to the firm holding our 3.5 billion pounds hostage.....

Soooooo, back  to talking about back to school. If you are a parent, which you probably are since you are reading this bit, it's time to pop out the champagne and do a well deserved toast to yourself for not killing anyone during the school holidays. (Don't worry, killing the family hamster out of fraustration doesn't count as a legitimate school holiday induced homicide)...phewwww....what a relief because I don't think your blue suade shoes will go well with an orange jump suit, so jolly well done to you for making it to the end of the school holiday I only just mentioned earlier.

500 years later, if you are reading this, Anji, I want you to know that I only moaned about the holidays to get cheap parental, brownie points from disgruntled and ungrateful  parents. Actuallllllllly, I didn't really moan about the holidays at all, I only moaned about talking about it. You and i know very well that I enjoyed every bit of the time we spent together during the holidays . Weeeeeeelll, apart from day 1 to day 46 of the holidays...Seeee, look who is laughing noooooow? That sense of humour you have didn't fall from the sky, did it?Which reminds me, I've got the sky guy coming in a min to set up the sky box and all. I look forward to watching cartoons with you, just as we planned over the holidays. I love you very much and I wish you an amazing, learntastic, educational back to school merry thingy...

Ohhhhh yes,  I know I said you can tell me allll about your amaaaaaaazeballs holiday shiwadiwadi but only if you don't ask me about mine, I ducking lied, like a ducking quack ducktor.  I don't want to hear about your ducking holiday and whatever you got up to, I ve got better things to do, like coming up with ingenious ways to completely avoid talking about what i will be doing for Christmas. Sooooooo, if you want everyone to know what you did last summer, be a sweet and write a ducking blog about it.  Don't tag me

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